I had a newbie in my class tonight.
I sure do love me some newbies.
Apparently, this young lady was dragged kicking and screaming by her girlfriend to her very first spin class.
Yay for me.
Upon entering the classroom I was summoned by said girlfriend to help with bike set up.
"Can you help us set up her bike, it's her VERY first time."
Can you kiss my ass?
"Of course I will, I'll be right over!" **Insert phony exercise instructor enthusiasm here**
I saunter over to the newbie who was standing next to her bike with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.
"Ok, can you hop on the bike so I can figure out what needs to be adjusted?"
Get your a*s on the bike, and figure this out yourself.
The newbie gets on the bike, still scowling, and asks "Now what?"
"Ok, well put your sneakers in the foot cage so that I can figure out what we should adjust."
Newbie replies, "Why am I going to put my foot in there if I'm just going to have to get off the bike to adjust it?"
Put your foot in the f*cking foot cage before I break it off!
"Well we want to make sure we properly adjust your bike in order to prevent injury." **Insert even phonier exercise instructor smile here**
I eventually manage to correctly adjust the newbie's bike. With a big smile on my face I ask her, "So, how does it feel?"
"Like a bike," she replies.
I clench my jaw and force my hands down by my side in order to NOT knock this pissy girl off the bike and onto her a*s.
"Well, is it comfortable?"
Go to hell evil newbie SKANK!
"Uh, I guess. Feels like a bike."
I decide to drop the issue of bike set up and instead move on to bike positions.
"Ok, there are three positions...."
"What," she exclaims still scowling, "there are positions?!"
Listen you ignorant, snooty, pain in my FREAKING a*s, I don't really care if you stay or leave or like spin or hate it or hurt yourself or fall of the bike and crack your head open because I'm still getting paid for the hour whether you break a sweat or not. So shut up, sit down, and more importantly SHUT UP!
"Yes, three of them actually."
I explained all of the positions and showed her how to operate the resistance knob, and then sauntered back to the front of the room to teach the class.
At the end of class, I asked the Newbie, "So what do you think?"
With a scowl she replied, "I didn't hate it."
What she probably didn't realize was that I hated her. She probably has no idea that I'm talking smack about her ALLL OVER the internet right now.