Friday, July 30, 2010

I Win

If you recall, I have been having some issues with the other bride that is having her wedding the same day as mine. Her reception is at the other end of the hotel, but she booked the (MY) garden that is outside of my room - for her ceremony.

I got a call yesterday from the wedding coordinator.

Are you ready for this one????

The other bride....BACKED OUT!!

This means I get the garden for MY ceremony.

Picture me wringing my hands together doing my best Gargamel face....

I mean, of course I feel bad that the other bride has unforeseen circumstances that have forced her to back out of her wedding.....but YAHOOOOOOOO I'm so excited for me!!

Happy Friday!

Friday, July 23, 2010

All Things Zombie

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine a post like this one.

Megan over at Best Of Fates pointed out that I did not include tips on how to survive a zombie invasion.

Duh - how selfish of me - because technically a deadly virus that escapes government control and reeks havoc on the human population by turning everyone into flesh eating zombies COULD really happen.

No, really. It could.

I found this eHow article on how to survive a zombie invasion. I also found the following video that outlines how to prevent being a victim in a zombie invasion.

And finally - based on all of the zombie movies I've watched with one eye open and hiding under the covers, I have my own recommendations:

1) I highly recommend the movie Zombieland. Brian, who is NOT a zombie movie fan(or a scary movie fan either) found this movie hysterical. Woody Harrelson is a riot, and the movie is PACKED with fantastic tips on how to survive a zombie invasion.

2) Always aim for the head. Each zombie genre varies, but the most consistent method of actually killing the undead, and stopping it in its tracks is by immobilizing the nervous system by either shooting/stabbing/hitting in the head, or snapping the neck. I don't know about you, but I certainly don't plan on getting close enough to a zombie to snap it's neck - so I highly recommend shooting in the head, or a blunt force trauma.

3) Seek shelter, but do not "hide" in the basement. Trapping yourself with only one way out - which most definitely will be barricaded by hungry zombies - is not the best course of action. Instead think high - like camping out on a rooftop. I've yet to see zombies climb. I've also never seen them swim making a floating houseboat a very good shelter during a zombie invasion.

4) Chances are your family and friends are already dead and transformed into zombies. That's because they think you're crazy for watching these asinine (my mother loves the word asinine) movies, and are completely uneducated and ignorant to survival tactics during a zombie invasion. Don't go looking to save them, they are already dead.

I hope you all find this zombie post helpful. I hope we never have to utilize these survival tactics.

But now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Happy Friday.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Zombies? Really?

Good Morning Lovelies! I'm always bummed at how Monday morning always seems to roll around despite a wonderful relaxing weekend - how does that saying go? The only sure thing in life is death, taxes and Monday mornings.....

Over at Life Of A Doctor's Wife I discovered that someone other than myself has completely insane, er, I mean, irrational fears.

1) Zombies. Two types to be exact - 1) The Resident Evil and 28 Days Later types of zombies. Basically, a secret government virus "escapes" top secret laboratories to infect the general public, causing you to turn into this flesh eating, crazed, snarling maniac. And 2)Night of the Living Dead type of zombies. These zombies were actually dead people that somehow came back to life, and are in search of human brains to consume. It's not that I am afraid of becoming one of these zombies - I'm afraid that someday I'll wake up and my house will be surrounded by zombies and I will somehow have to figure out how to stay alive and not become one of them while protecting my family as well because if you're bitten you turn, and you want to kill the person before they turn so that they don't end up biting you and how IMPOSSIBLE will it be to kill a loved one as to prevent them from biting you and turning you into a zombie. Get all that? My sister and I actually have conversations that start off with, "What would be your survival strategy if the world was overrun with zombies?

2) Bridges. I HATE driving over bridges. I'm not afraid of the bridge collapsing and I'm not afraid of getting stuck on the bridge. What I am afraid of is driving off the bridge. For some strange reason, I get this insatiable urge to steer my car OFF the side and free fall into the water. I'm also afraid I'll get sideswiped by a big truck and end up pushed off the bridge. Hate big bridges. HATE THEM!

3) Before I leave the house I check the stove and every outlet, over and over and over again because I'm afraid that a) the stove was left on even if I didn't use it, and b) I left a curling/straightening iron plugged in. I'm not necessarily concerned the house is going to burn down, I'm more concerned about my animals suffering in the flames. It's all about the animals people.

4) Girly parts shriveling. Yup that's right people - did you know this happens? A friend of mine was selling vaginal cream for post-menopausal women. During his first training session he called me and asked, "Do you know what happens to your vagina when you go through menopause?"

I thought about it for a moment, and realized that I didn't know what was going to happen to my girly parts once menopause set in.

"It shrivels. Like a raisin. A RAISIN!" Apparently the change in hormones causes it to shrivel. The cream contains hormones which cause everything to open back up.

I was horrified.

At my next yearly exam with my OB/GYN I asked her about it. She confirmed that it was indeed true.

"How have you NOT warned me about this?"

"You're 28," she replied, "it's really not an issue yet." I still wish she would have warned me.

5) I think my biggest irrational fear is turning into a full time Shlumpadinka. What if someday, years from now, I look in the mirror and GASP - I've somehow morphed into a full time Shlumpadinka? Kids, a home, some pets, work, a husband - what if I end up in t-shirts, sweats, no makeup and GOD FORBID crocs as a full time wardrobe.


The very thought makes me cringe.

To combat this fear, I plan on wearing a pair of fabulous, unpractical heels to work today. Just because I can.

What are your irrational fears?

Friday, July 16, 2010

"Shoes? What Shoes?"

I unfortunately no longer own this particular pair of heels.

Happy Friday!

Friday, July 9, 2010


.....And the livin' is easy.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Bride Wars

My wedding planning has officially begun, and I'm already experiencing some snags.

One huge one in particular - Another bride is getting married at the hotel the same day I am. I don't know who she is, or what she looks like, but I know that I already hate her.

The hotel houses two function rooms. I am having my reception in the Crystal Ballroom which is larger and more elegant. The other ballroom is the Presidential - very pretty, but more suited for a smaller wedding. The Crystal Ballroom is round with the dance floor situated in the middle and tables set up around it. The room is comprised of windows that overlook a beautiful garden. Unfortunately, the other bride (I hate her) is having her ceremony in the garden from 4:30-5:00. When touring, the wedding coordinator informed me that she will be OUT of the garden in time for me to have my cocktail hour out there. The hotel has recently instituted a policy that the garden accompanies receptions in the Crystal Ballroom ONLY due to issues such as this one. Unfortunately this bride is grandfathered in, and gets to have her ceremony in the garden, even though I am having my reception in the Crystal Ballroom.

I would have preferred to have my ceremony in the garden, but I'm ok with not having it at a different location called the Overlook Lawn. This is a section out in front of the hotel that overlooks the mountains. I will have my ceremony there from 5-5:30. HOWEVER, I want the other bride, her wedding party, her guests, and her ceremony chairs out of the garden by 5:30 so that I can take my pictures and for my guests to have cocktail hour.

The wedding coordinator contacted me yesterday and informed me that she wasn't sure that my cocktail hour would be set up in time at 5:30 due to the other bride having her ceremony in MY GARDEN.

Ugh. I hate her.

Please don't bother with the "it's her day too, and she deserves a beautiful day as well, blah, blah, blippity, blah." I want what I want and that is that. And yes, I know I'm being petty.

She will be out of there if I have to hoist her out myself.