Tuesday, April 26, 2011

More Fur? Reconsidered.

An actual conversation that took place this weekend.

Brian: "Um honey, can you come here?"
Me: "Sure, what's up?"
Brian: "Did you by any chance leave a sopping wet dish towel on the kitchen counter overnight?"
Me: "Ummmmmm. No."
Brian: "I think one of the cats pissed on it."
Me: "Let me see it."

That is when I picked up the dish cloth and gave it a very quick sniffity sniff.

Why - you may ask - would I be smelling the urine soaked dish towel?

Being the mom of a special needs kitty has forced me to learn of all his little quirks as they pertain to the kitty box. I need to be very aware of his actions in order to be on the look out for any issues he might be having. I know his box patterns - he urinates after dinner but poops before it. He holds his breath briefly before he pees, and the smell - WOWZERS - is some of the smelliest most potent kitty pee you could ever smell.

The kitchen dish towel stunk of cat pee but not the horrid smell that Ebenezer leaves behind.

Me: "This was Mia. She must be mad at us."
Brian: "She's such a bitch."

I don't know what is worse - the fact that Mia urinated on my kitchen counter, or the fact that I knew it was her based on the smell.

Brian and I pieced together the sequence of events we figure led up to the counter pissing incident. We are well aware that our animals do strange things in the middle of the night because we find random evidence the next morning. A lone shoe left in the middle of the carpet. A pile of clear vomit with shreds of green plant throughout (Mia likes to nibble the houseplants even though they make her throw up. Every. Single. Time). A cat toy that was once upstairs now downstairs. Items from the kitchen table left in the laundry room. We know they play at night and we've actually been awakened by Simon's barking only to find he has cornered Mia on the kitchen counter with her having nowhere to go but down - straight into Simon's slobbery mouth.

We THINK that he may have cornered her up there again and she either a) pissed herself and the dishtowel because Simon scared her, or b) she was angry that she was trapped on the counter and urinated to let us know just how angry she was. For those of you who don't speak fluent cat like I do - inappropriate urination or defecation is done for 1 of 2 reasons.

1) The cat is sick
2) The cat is trying to tell you something that could range from, "hey my litter box needs to be cleaned," to "I loathe your new boyfriend." Or, "I hate this freaking dog."

So yeah. That's what we think happened.

Desire for another cat - gone.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

More Fur?

I admit it.

I have days when I wish I didn't have my animals.

Like the day when Ebenezer urinated blood all over the house including all over my living room furniture. Or the day when Mia vomited all over my bedroom, including in my bed. Or the time when Simon chewed the living heck out of the foot of our brand new kitchen table. Or the time when he had explosive diarrhea that I had to clean off his fur.

Side note: Cleaning diarrhea off the fur of a 120lb dog is like cleaning diarrhea off a 120lb human, except skin cleans up easier than fur.

Each morning I wake up to Mia sleeping on my head and Ebenezer licking my face. Simon is usually snoring at the foot of the bed.

Despite all the work it takes to maintain 3 animals (one the size of 4 combined animals), all the work it takes to maintain the house, and all the work it takes to maintain myself (we have approximately 10 lint brushes of varying sizes and types scattered throughout the house) I see videos like this one - and I want another animal.

Brian said if I really want to I can get another kitty after the wedding.....

Thursday, April 14, 2011


My creative juices are not flowing.

My creative juices are dried up.

I'm thinking the issue has something to do with the fact that I'm attempting to blog something coherent, funny, witty, and entertaining at 10:31 pm at night. Brian is snoring next to me, Simon is snoring on the floor, and I wish I was snoring because I am E-X-HAUSTED!

I could write about how I lost 2.4 lbs this week bringing my total weight loss to 4.4 lbs overall, which in my mind can be rounded up to 5, so GO ME for losing 5 lbs.

Small silent celebration happening in my bed right now. Everyone whisper with me, "wooo-hooo."

I could write about wedding planning - but good GOD - wedding planning is not interesting. Well, I suppose some girls find it interesting, but I'm finding it to be more a chore rather then "YAYYYYYYYYYYY, wedding PLANNING! FUN!"

Not so much.

I could write about the delicious cocktail I prepared for myself prior to hopping into bed, but I don't want you to think I have a drinking problem.

I could blog about work - but ewwwwwwww - I don't even want to go there.

OH! I got it! Let's blog about the weekend and how it's almost here!

What's up for your weekend????

Bring on the Friday!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

One Of Those Weeks

Crazy, crazy, crazy!
Busy, busy, busy!
Stress. Stress. STRESS!

And then I heard this on the radio this morning and it reminded me not to sweat the small stuff.

Take joy in the little things, and say F - U (not out loud of course)to everyone and everything that is bringing you down. I also recommend giving a big middle finger (only in your mind of course)to those stressors whether it's work, people, work and people - shoot up that finger and practice that potty mouth.

And don't forget to breathe. *WINK*

Happy Hump Day!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Monday Monday Random Monday

* I've never been to Europe. Or Vegas. Or Washington D.C. Or the Grand Canyon.

* I've been to Central America.

* I can't remember which continent Central America belongs to - North or South?

* Sometimes I like to sleep with socks on. Sometimes I hate sleeping with socks on.

* Mia sleeps on my pillow and I sleep on Mia.

* Brian hates it when Mia sleeps on his pillow because she leaves behind a ton of orange kitty hair. I think it's funny when Mia sleeps on Brian's pillow because I swear she does it to piss him off.

* I'm allergic to certain toothpastes. I have to use cheap 99 cent AIM toothpaste because the other brands have too much crap in them and cause my lips to crack and bleed.

* Speaking of allergies, if I drink too much orange juice in one day my body breaks out in hives.

* Speaking of speaking of allergies I'm allergic to every grass, mold, tree, and weed, yet breathe easy around cats, dogs, and other animals.

* Speaking of speaking of speaking of allergies, Lily's give me massive sinus headaches.

* I don't like to give change to people that stand on the side of the road with signs that say, "Family to feed, please help." I'm convinced they are lying and plan on using the money to buy drugs.

* Sometimes I forget to take poop bags with me when I walk Simon. Sometimes Simon poops when I don't have poop bags. Sometimes he poops twice. In two different spots. Sometimes I go back and pick up his mess later in the day. Sometimes I don't.

* I cleaned out half of Brian's t-shirts from him dresser. He hasn't noticed that his drawers are significantly less full.

* In second grade I plagiarized short stories from my Highlights magazines and passed them in as my own work. I won several awards for my stories from my teacher. I was proud that I was smart enough to fool the teacher.

* I cheated on my religion final junior and senior year of high school.

* This is my head piece for the wedding

Don't hate.

Happy Monday!