Friday, April 30, 2010

Friday Randomness

* Sometimes I sleep in my bathrobe. I find it very comforting.

* I love cereal. Cereal for breakfast. Cereal for lunch. Cereal for dinner. Best. Invention. Ever.

* I hate it when girls of the same age call each other, "hun." "That's ok hun. Hey hun. Omigod hun you look amazing!" Ugh.

* I think it's a riot when Simon poops. His knees knock in and out, and he sniffs at the air. Then he turns to me as if to say, "Um, pooping here, do you mind?"

* FUPA's that are squeezed into tight beige pants freak me out. If you don't know what a FUPA is, email me and I will tell you.

* A tall glass with ice filled with Diet Sprite topped off with a straw is my new favorite refreshing drink. It's very Golden Girls-esque.

* I loathe celebrities/multi-millionaires that participate in fundraisers. If each celebrity/multi-millionaires donated a portion of their millions, fundraising would be unnecessary.

* Speaking of fundraising, I also loathe people at work that push their causes on the entire work place. Causes are a wonderful thing, but it's YOUR cause. Walk for hunger, walk for breast cancer, bike-a-thons for diseases that begin with letters that I'm not sure what they represent ALS, CF, MS, BS - does it ever end? I think it's great for everyone to participate in something (which I do - shout out to the kitties) but pushing it on other people at work = irritating.

* No, I do not wish to purchase wrapping paper, chocolates, trinkets or any other mishmosh item that your child's school is selling. No. Thank. You.

* I prefer my orange juice with pulp.

* If you must wear heels, please learn how to walk in them. Otherwise, wear flats.

* Speaking of shoes: if you're wearing shoes that show your feet - please, please, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, pumice your heels. Nothing grosses me out more than seeing the back of someone's heels that are white, dry, and cracked. Bring on the dry heaving.

* If someone has their face buried in a book, or their nose in the crease of a magazine, or earphones in their ears it means they DO NOT care to speak with you. So please stop talking to me.

* Personal space. Respect it.

* I'm just browsing means, "I'm just browsing." If I need you, I will summon. Go away.

* House salad, no bacon, no onions, add shrimp, dressing on the side does not constitute you calling me "high maintenance." It's called selective - and knowing what one wants. It's a virtue. Jerk.

* I'm probably offending SOMEONE with my list of random stuff. I don't care.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Kitty Love

It's the look I get when I tell people how much Ebenezer's vet bills are that irks me, because I know what they are thinking:

"I wouldn't spend that money on a cat."

Ebenezer's minor UTI turned out to be a full blown urinary blockage. We have a local vet that has a side business making vet house calls. This service is great for kitties, because if you have kitties, you know how absolutely IMPOSSIBLE it is to coax them into their carriers for a vet visit. This vet performs her examinations right in your home - vaccinations and all. So when I realized Ebenezer was inappropriately eliminating outside his box, I called her immediately. She was at my house within two hours. Upon examination she discovered that his bladder was quite full and that I should bring him into the animal hospital that she is affiliated with. "I'll bill you for this visit later, " she said, "he needs to get to the hospital now."

Off we went to the animal hospital where they informed me that he will need to be put under anesthesia (GEESH), and inserted with a catheter (OUCH). That's when I told them to do whatever they needed to do in order for him to get better and feel better.

One house call, four visits to the animal hospital, and $750 later, Ebenezer is finally feeling better.

Some think I'm crazy for spending this kind of money on "a cat." Or the even more irritating - "I'd spend that money on a dog, but a cat?"

Don't get me wrong, it was extremely hard to slap down my credit card to pay for his services. But then I would think about the money I spend without even batting a lash: apparel, vacations, jewelry, eating out. Was I really going to get upset about spending money to save a life? Ugh - how selfish does that make me? Ebenezer is a living, breathing, loving animal and I'm getting upset about his medical bills. Bills that I can afford because I save specifically for emergencies like this.

When I adopted him from the shelter I promised to love him and take care of him and look out for his best interest no matter how expensive. And when you really think about it, I am all he has. To him, I am everything. People used to ask me all the time if I ever felt lonely when I lived by myself. I never ONCE did. When I got home, my two kitties would be waiting at the top of the stairs, tails whipping and meowing. When I woke up in the morning, I'd have two sets of eyes staring into mine. When I was sick they slept at the end of the bed, when I was sad, they'd sleep on my pillow. I guess if you're an animal lover you understand. And if you're not an animal lover - you're missing out. And if you're a dog lover - and a kitty hater - then I feel bad that you've never felt the warmth of a purring kitty on your lap.

Because it's really pretty awesome.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


"Why is my hat wet?"

This is the statement I woke up to this morning.

My kitty Ebenezer has developed a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). When cats develop UTIs, they tend to eliminate outside the box on any surface and in any surface. In Ebenezer's case, he tends to eliminate in anything he can wiggle his little bum into, like my potted plants. Last time he developed a UTI, he wiggled himself into my slouchy beige leather purse and relieved himself all over it's contents.

This time, he chose Brian's baseball cap which just happened to be on our kitchen table - so my tablecloth got doused as well. Last night I filled my Victoria's Secret online shopping cart with some new items to take with me when I go to Jamaica next month. Between a urinalysis, antibiotic treatment, and anti-inflammatory meds, I'm going to need the money that I was planning on spending on a pair of black sandals, a bikini, a bikini coverup, and a fabulous maxi dress.

***Sobbing softly into my laptop***

Thank goodness the little dude is worth it.

"Hat? What hat? I don't know nothin' about no stinkin' hat!"

Monday, April 19, 2010

Resolution Failures

It's confession time.

In January I came up with a list of 10 resolutions that I wanted to accomplish for 2010.

It is now the end of April, and it's time to evaluate my progress.

At this point in time, I wouldn't exactly use the word progress. The resolutions aren't going so hot. Ok - that's an understatement. I've only managed to accomplish 3 on my list.

Successful Resolution #1: The Kitchen
This has been my most successful resolution to date. I'm far from declaring myself a self taught Martha Stewart/Barefoot Contessa, but I am learning and accomplishing more than I ever expected. I've been utilizing my 2010 Cooking Light Cookbook, and with each recipe, I am not only adding to my personal recipe repertoire, but filling my cabinets and refrigerator with items that prior to my embarking on a cooking adventure, I had never heard of. My cabinets have items like Corn starch, sherry vinegar, peanut oil, canola oil, and kosher salt. My fridge houses shallots, fresh thyme, canola mayonnaise, and lots of fresh veggies and meats. Last night I made a recipe that called for shredded fresh ginger root, and uncooked shrimp. I've NEVER made shrimp before, or utilized fresh ginger, so this particular recipe made me somewhat nervous. Some of you might be thinking, "Are you kidding? This isn't a big deal." For me this is a huge accomplishment. Prior to embarking on this "cooking" journey, my most successful kitchen accomplishment was a chocolate trifle comprised of a box of brownies, instant jello, and cool whip. And cereal. I was really good at whipping that together.....

Successful Resolution #2: Friends
I've made huge strides in getting together with friends that I haven't seen in a long time. I've so far reconnected with a good friend from childhood that I hadn't seen in 3 years. I've had lunch with old coworkers and had dinner over the weekend with one of my best friends that I haven't seen since September. I'm emailing more, calling more, and overall, just trying to make an effort to stay connected. With kids, and husbands, and jobs, and pets, and conflicting schedules due to all the above, this feat is hard for all parties involved. I am making effort, and that is what is most important!

Successful Resolution #3: My Vocabulary
I don't have a clear concise way to gauge my success with this resolution, however, I am trying very hard to pause, collect my thoughts, and THEN speak. In my opinion, I'm succeeding with this resolution. The motorist that I called a prick-face the other day might disagree....

In my defense, I've had a TON going on. Between work, the house, and the new pup, finding free time to accomplish all that I want to accomplish has been a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing the rest of my unaccomplished resolutions out the window. It's time to regroup, refocus, and re-strategize.

7 more to go.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Dread...


I have a huge meeting tomorrow that I'm dreading. Senior management instructed all the sales reps to put together a 15 minute presentation outlining their territory. They didn't however disclose who will be presenting their presentation tomorrow. I'm thinking the tone of this meeting is not going to be warm and fuzzy since the company is doing crappy, and my territory which was #1 last year is not doing as well this year.

Rumor has it that Senior Management is going to GRILL the reps that end up presenting.


I'll be able to breath easy once tomorrow has come and gone.

To make matters even worse, we took Simon to doggie daycare today. He is staying overnight as a "trial" run for when we go away next month. We are picking him up tomorrow after work. It breaks my heart to think of him not sleeping at home....

I'm just feeling crappy all around, and I miss my little big man :(

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"I Never Thought He'd Settle Down"

I am very picky - borderline anal - when it comes to Best Man speeches. Brian has been given the honor of Best Man for his buddy's July wedding. I've already started to hound him about starting his speech because I LOATHE ill prepared speeches and believe me I've heard some pretty horrid ones.

From the TMI:
"....And then she hit him over the head with a curling iron....."

To the pity party:
"....I was the brother that always screwed everything up...."

To the completely unprepared:
"Errr, uh, I wish them alot of love.....and uh, alot of happiness...and um love..."

And lastly the snoozer:
"Let's start from when we were babies...."

Best Man speeches should be brief, concise, heartfelt, and subtly focused on the bride. There is a way to do this without making it obvious. For those of you who think it should be about the couple, think again. The groom is probably only half listening because 1) he's probably starving 2) he's drunk or wondering when he will be drunk 3) he's hotter than hell and 4) he really has to pee. The bride is the one who is eyeing the Best Man like a hawk hoping and praying that he doesn't say anything embaressing - because admit it - if we could provide the Best Man a guide of what he can and cannot say in his speech, we would. Chances are, some of you have.

I believe that if the following guidelines are followed, both the bride and groom will walk away from the reception happy about the speech.

1) Start off the speech by welcoming everyone. Thank them for sharing this wonderful day with so and so. If a particular guest is worthy of praise, do so now. For example, if the groom's 123 year old grandmother is in attendance, acknowledge her presence. If Uncle Joe & Aunt Sue celebrate their 87 wedding anniversary this year, mention it. Just remember it has to be extremely worthy of praise in order to mention on this day, and it has to somehow be connected to love or dedication. Comment on the beautiful weather. If the weather isn't favorable, comment on the moving ceremony. Find something about the day that will add to how special it is.

2) Steer right into complimenting the bride. Let me rephrase that; compliment the bride in a POSITIVE way. Commenting that the bride "cleans up well," doesn't quite cut it. Keep it specific, and use a word that isn't used everyday to describe someone. Stay away from awesome, or beautiful, or pretty. Typical, boring and dull. Tell her she looks exquisite or stunning or breathtaking. If you can't do this part sincerely, then immediately go to step 3.

3) Share a little blurb of how you know the groom and maybe throw in a BRIEF story that encompasses the realms of your friendship. Leave out stories that involve drinking, hookers, ANYTHING spring break related, and most importantly NEVER bring up past loves, exes, wives, etc. Even if you think people would get a kick out of it, NEVER EVER talk about other woman. Period.

4) Comment on how the bride has enhanced the groom's life. For example, you've never seen him this happy, so dedicated, so in love, blah, blah you get the gist

5) Wrap it up with a well wishing, or an old Irish Blessing. It's important to start the night off with some sort of "may you love each other forever and ever amen."

Most importantly, leave the mushy, gushy, girly speeches for the Maid of Honor. As women, we are just better at the tearjerker stuff. Stay far away from this area as you will most likely crash and burn.

And never, and I mean never, say "I never thought he'd settle down."

So if you could dictate how your Best Man speech was going to play out, what would you include? What would you omit? What would you change about a speech that was already given?