I am having some issues with the whole getting married and changing my last name thing.
It's not that I don't like Brian's last name. It's a perfectly fine last name. Easy to spell. Easy to pronounce. Not too long. Not too short. Most importantly, it doesn't rhyme with our sound like a word that is sexually suggestive or related to undesirable body functions.
Like I said it is a perfectly fine last name.
My issue is that it's his last name. Not mine.
I understand that marriage means we are coming together as one and we are forming a bond and creating a family and we're husband and wife and yadda, yadda, yadda. The name issue doesn't mean that I don't feel like we are less bonded or less of a couple or less in love. Collectively, I don't mind being referred to as the, "Smiths (not Brian's real last name)." I am completely on board with our team name. Our married name.
Brian and Anastasia Smith.
That's fine as well.
But that fact that Anastasia will be followed by something other than the name I've known my whole life when referring strictly to me - feels, oh I don't know, odd. It almost feels like putting on an outfit that fits just fine, and looks good, but isn't my style and isn't me.
Ok, that's a bad analogy, but I think you get my point.
I don't mind being part of team Smith. But knocking out my last name to replace or hyphenate with another, husband or not, seems somewhat uncomfortable to me.
When I have this conversation with people, they often ask how I would handle the last name of our children if we decide to have them. IF Brian and I decide that we MIGHT think of MAYBE having some little non-fur babies, they would have Brian's last name and again, collectively, we would be the Smiths. This is usually when I get the question which is usually asked in an attitude-y manner:
"So, you're like, going to have a different last name than your children? You're like, ok with that?"
Actually, I'm very ok with that. My parents divorced when I was very young and my mother returned back to her maiden name. It never bothered me that she had a different last name and to be honest I hardly even noticed. Same last name or different last name - I referred to her as Mom. It was never an issue. When people would refer to her as Mrs. "divorced last name," she would smile and reply, "Please, call me Joanne."
I've had other women ask me, "what's the big deal in changing your name?" I suppose they are right. It isn't a big deal. On the flip side, what is the big deal in leaving my name the way it is? Especially considering that I am fine with the our team name, and won't correct people when they refer to me as Mrs. Smith.
It just feels strange to me that one day my last name is my last name and then because I'm now married my last name becomes Brian's last name. Although I agree that Brian and I should have a team name, (the Smiths) I still feel very connected to my individual name. It doesn't make us any less a pair, or any less a strong unit. It's just me being me.
And I'm a pain in the a*s.