Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Battle Of The Bulge

Being in a loving, healthy, and trusting relationship is fabulous for my self-esteem, my confidence, and my overall well being. I've never been this happy.

On the flip side - being this happy is adding on the pounds. I'm eating more, moving less, indulging in things I wouldn't normally indulge in (lots of ice cream, lots of deserts, lots of food in general) and my clothes are feeling more and more snug. Brian says I look amazing, and I shouldn't change a thing. Although his words are comforting, I don't FEEL amazing. I feel tight, and bloated, and uncomfortable, yet I continue to eat, and eat, and eat some more. I'm not eating because I'm hungry - I'm just eating for the sake of eating.

Last night at Weight Watchers I weighed in at a whopping 153.6 - a far cry from my once svelte 137 pounds.

I don't expect to get down that low - I would love it, but I doubt I have the discipline to achieve it. I'd be happy with 140.

My motivation in the past to lose weight was usually a shmuck boyfriend that made me feel less than worthy. I felt that I would lose said boyfriend to another girl if I didn't stay slim and trim. Brian loves me for me, which is an amazing feeling - but I've become too comfortable, and my weight is creeping up.

I know I'm getting engaged soon - but not sure when. I'm hoping that an impending engagement and wedding to follow will serve as new motivation to get back into shape, to move more, and make better food choices.

Time will tell.
I'm not happy with the recent choices I've been making as far as food is concerned - but I am HAPPY. And that's what matters most!

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. I've gained about 8 pounds since the wedding and while I'm working to get it off, it's not going as quickly as I would like. I think part of it was I was so stressed about work and planning before the big day, that the pounds just fell off.

    I'm so excited for the "I'm engaged!" post :) And for what it's worth, you look awesome right now. xoxo