Guess who just turned 32!?
Yup. It's me.
When asked about my age, I usually tell people I'm 29. I figure it's a teeeeeny tiny little lie that in the grand scheme of things most likely WON'T aid in sending me to hell in a handbag.
I have to admit - turning 32 was kind of scary. I don't chronologically feel 32, and if I had my way, I'd subtract 3-5 years. On the flip side, I love what being in my 30's feels like. I finally feel...normal. Don't get me wrong, my twenties were super fun and unpredictable and adventurous. But under all that fun lied low self esteem, self loathing, awful choices, and bad relationships. I never felt quite right. Pressure to be successful, pressure to be thin & beautiful, pressure to be marrrrrrrrrried.
I really think it's the pressure to get married that kept me in awful, going absolutely nowhere, relationships.
30 feels grounded and secure and logical and wise. Things that bothered me or provoked a negative response back in my 20s don't even phase me now. I can't determine if it's because I don't have the time to deal with petty crap, or because I've learned from past mistakes.
If I could create a time machine and travel back in time to meet up with my twenty-something self, I would offer the following advice:
1) Enjoy the journey. Every step of the journey. Enjoy the Friday nights in your dump apartment eating mac&cheese with your roommates, & dancing to old school rap. Enjoy not having to answer to anyone about where you're going, who you're going with and when you'll be back. Enjoy your friends, and every minute that you spend with them, because although they will most likely be your friends forever, you'll never be as close as you are now.
2) Value yourself more. Don't allow anyone to decrease your value. You can't expect anyone else to put you on a pedestal, you have to climb up there all by yourself. Climb up there - it's worth it.
4) Laugh. Love the laughing. Remove anyone from your life that causes you more tears than laughter.
5) Relax. Relax about the future. Relax about your job. Relax about meeting the right person. Trust the process. Trust yourself. Trust that inner voice that tells you something just isn't right. You'll figure it out. It all works itself out.
Happy Birthday to me :)