Life around our household is business as usual.
Brian and I aren't very romantic. I wouldn't necessarily say that we're not romantic people, we're just not engaging in romantic activity as of late.
A typical Monday for us:
Brian gets up, takes the dog out and heads to work. I get up, take the dog out again, feed the cats, feed the dog, get ready and go to work. Brian gets home from work and takes the dog out. I get home, change and pack up my things for spin. Brian does some housework while I'm gone and feeds the dog. I teach spin. I chat with a few students, and head home. I shower, we make dinner, we eat. I feed the cats. Sometimes I throw in a load of laundry or empty the dish washer.
Each weekday is a variation of this routine. In. Out. Errands. Second job. Take the dog out. Feed the animals. Work.
When the weekend rolls around we usually have some sort of commitment to attend. I go to a bridal shower, Brian mows the lawn, takes the clippings to the dump and watches the dog. He has a golf tournament. I have a bachelorette party. I come home and take care of the dog. If we amazingly have the weekend off he'll fix something that needs fixing around the house, and I scrub. Scrub something. Because something in the house always needs to be scrubbed - the tub, the dog, the floor, the dishes....scrub, scrub, scrub.
Romance - or anything resembling romance - has flown out the window.
We've recently even resorted to eating off of paper plates in order to reduce the amount of dishes (scrubbing) that needs to be done.
Lately, we've even been going to bed at uneven times. I passed out at 9:30 last night. A bridal magazine to my left, a book on my chest, a cat on my head, a hair clip on Brian's side, and the light on.
We're not married yet, we're still relatively young, and we haven't even added kids into the equation. I'm thinking if the romance has vanished this early in the game, then we're really sca-rewd!
So what is the secret? How do you keep the spark alive? Our spark is definitely still here and we - ahem - do still embrace the spark (if you know what I mean) on a frequent basis. It just seems that the spark embracing has become another task that needs to be penciled into our schedule instead of it being a spontaneous act of, well, romance.
I'm assuming that this is a normal part of life that every couple encounters. Are we happy? Absolutely - We're just exhausted. We need to somehow create a better of balance of work and play. We have the work part down - we just need to work on the play.
Suggestions?
Happy Monday.
Rob and I go through the same thing and did even before Luke. You have to recognize it and plan a date or short getaway and get some romance in! :)
ReplyDeleteAfter kids it's a lot different but you fall in love with your partner all over again and see them in such a different light. And it's hectic and it's tiring and it's not easy but sometimes when you are sitting on the couch watching a movie and the dog is laying on the floor keeping your feet warm you will almost want to start crying out of sheer happiness.
(Caution: Novel-length post ahead.)
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY NORMAL.
I think the best way to keep the romance alive is two-fold:
1. You have to find the romance in the mundane. Do you ever watch The King of Queens? There's an episode where Carrie is mad at Doug for not being as romantic as he used to be. He sends her a bunch of flowers and crap to be romantic... But that makes her feel worse. So they revert back to normal. And she finds that just snuggling up with him to watch TV, and having him wipe off some schmutz from her face, is actually quite sweet. And that kind of thing IS sweet and romantic. I try to concentrate on those things... The way my husband pats my head when he walks past me... The way we kiss each other goodbye when he heads to work... The way he grabs my rear while I do dishes. They are small but if you look for them, they're there. And they start to mean so much more than the flowers.
2. Make time for each other. I KNOW it gets busy. But plan a dinner where you eat at the table by candlelight. Or go out for a movie. Or take a night in a nearby B&B. Seriously. It is SO IMPORTANT to take time "off" from your real lives.
You two sound really comfortable and happy and busy. Romance is not the same when you're married. But it can be so much better.
I think a wknd getaway where it is just to the two of you would do wonders. You could also start a new hobby that both of you enjoy and you could do together.
ReplyDeleteFind romance in everyday things and truly appreciate each other each and every day. Realize how fortunate you really are compared to the rest of the world. Everything is perspective.
ReplyDeleteJust say NO!!! Screw it. No to the scrubbing, no to the commitments. What good is giving up so much of you that there is nothing left for you. And then when you get a little bit of yourselves back you can resume. Cook some dinner in some (sparky clothes) now that you can. Before you know it you'll have more animals (the human kind) and a droopy ass. Enjoy the now!!!
ReplyDeleteBEEN THERE! Date night is tres important. Not that I remember what they're like. HA! There's nothing like getting all dolled up and amorous over a bottle of vino!
ReplyDeleteI think we lead the same lives! Yes, day-to-day stuff is not romantic, but I'd take it anyday over "passion" that burns out after a while. You lead a real life with real things to do! It's so normal! However, that being said, there are always ways to romance-up your real life. Date nights are great! And even just a fancy dinner at home can be really romantic - even hamburgers and fries over candlelight with a bottle of wine will do! And start leaving little love notes on post it arounds your house (and in the car) to your man. Just little things can make a big difference!
ReplyDelete