My weight loss as of late has been at a stand still.
Well, that's actually not true. I've recently lost two pounds.
Two. Lame. Pounds.
My lack of weight loss is all my fault. I haven't been trying as hard as I should be.
Scratch that - I haven't been trying at all.
I used to be really good at saying no. I used to be really good about seeing the actual value of certain foods and making a conscious effort of whether or not I really wanted to eat it.
Fried food - Blech. Too greasy.
Rich desserts - Ugh. My poor belly.
Heavy entrees - Just too heavy.
I used to have amazing self control. I used to say, "No thank you, I'm full," and "Oh, I've already eaten."
In the last 18 months I've stopped seeing food for what it really is and have been inhaling and engulfing practically any food item that crosses my path. I've stopped THINKING of what I'm eating and I'm just eating for the sake of eating. I've stopped truly enjoying food. I've stopped savoring each delicious bite and morel. I've stopped looking forward to having a yummy delicious meal. I now dread going out to dinner because I know that I will be completely out of control.
What bothers me most is that I've let myself go completely in terms of keeping off the weight I lost 9 years ago. When I originally dropped the 23lbs I promised myself that I would never allow myself to put it back on. I did really well for awhile, but ultimately I put the weight back on and even exceeded the weight I was when I was at my heaviest.
Yucky. Yucky. Yucky.
I've been dying to blog about this, but too ashamed to admit it. I realized that the first step in overcoming my shame is admitting what I've been up to. And oh I've been up to quite a bit - ice cream, cake, steaks, cheeses, heavy sauces, fried food, french fries, pizza, booze - I've had it all. Unfortunately it has not been in moderation resulting in the added weight.
I longer wish to have my picture taken because I can see those 23lbs all over my face.
Actually - 21 lbs - I can't forgot about those two lame pounds.
Now that I've gotten all this off my chest (which HASN'T been affected by the weight gain dammit) I'm ready to commit to losing the 21 lbs before the wedding because as my sister says:
"Pictures are forever."
Let the losing begin......