Being a dog owner and sharing your home with a dog is one thing. Sharing your home with a dog that is the size of a small pony is a completely different story.
I realized this fact one early morning at about 3 am when I ventured out of my warm bed for a middle of the night bathroom run. Simon likes to sleep on the cool tile of our not so spacious bathroom. When Simon is sleeping next to the sink his body spans the space between the sink and the toilet. When Simon is sleeping next to the toilet, his body spans the space between the toilet and the sink. Basically, if Simon is sleeping in the bathroom Simon is sleeping in the ENTIRE bathroom.
So what does one do when they groggily stumble into the bathroom and encounter a very large soundly sleeping Simon? Well, I suppose you could tell him to move. Chances are he won't flinch. I suppose you could ATTEMPT to move him yourself. Yup, good luck with that. Instead of attempting to disturb the boulder that is my sleeping dog, I've learned that I have to just pee around him so to speak.
I must first maneuver my footwork to walk around his sleeping body so that I am able to get my butt to and physically on the toilet seat. Sometimes I'm able to sit facing forward. Sometimes I'm forced to pee sideways. Sometimes I have to pee with one foot on the floor and one foot on the dog. Sometimes the dog wakes up and looks at me as if to say, "can I pee in here too?" Sometimes Simon wakes up, shoots me a dirty "you woke me up" look, and saunters out of the bathroom.
Sometimes I find him sleeping under the shower curtain. This means both feet end up on the dog.
But I love him. All 130lbs of his black toilet blocking body.
I haven't ever had a giant dog, but you should see the positions my husband and I will curl into to keep our 50 pound dog content while he takes up the majority of our queen sized bed every night.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, you are hilarious.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness that is too funny!! He's a smart dog for finding the coolest spot, though!
ReplyDelete